not.a.flirt

used to cast the net far and wide in between, going out with every one of them tt fell for me.
at the same period of time.

be it go on dates, or juz phonecalls, or juz giving the attention to them a casanova or a don juan would.

just for the thrill of it, also perhaps, to rub away my insecurities then?

at one pt of time, i was so mixed up with one of them, i actually called one with a name tt belongs to another.

wont say how many i juggled at most, lest, ppl might think im boasting.

yes. i was "active" in tt.

stopped sometime back, coz, i was tired of the whole thing. being seen, for evaluation and being evaluated, which i tot was juz so fake, and empty in essence. for me at least. coz, not even one of them really swept me off my feet during this time.

and until yesterday, found nothing wrong with what i did.

until a conversation yest nite woke me up. and made me realise tt, whatever i did, is just plain stooping low.

yes. its abt keeping options open.
at same time, does it ever prick yr conscience knowing tt u let someone fall for u, but u haf no intention of returnin back the love.

u can be the antagonist, at same time, u can be the antagonised. its all a game. a gamble to say the least. only now, i realise a brother's advice, of playin the game, one at a time. at least, the damage done would be minimal.

now im chasing juz one. and ill stick to that one. someone who i think deserves my attention. one who had truly swept me off my feet. not in a moment, but over a period of time. tts how careful i am now.

and im telling myself, to be prepared, lest in case, she wants to keep HER options open.

coz if i can do it to ppl, ppl can do it to me rite?

so, ill juz suck it up like a man, and deal with it if it really happens.
:)