the.caged.animal

confinement is evil.

not being able to do what u wanna, and when u wanna, because ure stuck, or imprisoned, or entrapped, between boundaries, be it mental or physical.

for three days, i let myself be confined to the walls of my house.

doesnt help that the grills to the windows are juxtaposed to look like im in a cage.

just for the simple fact that i thought my mother is giving me the look saying that ive been going out too often, and coming back too late into the night, these couple of days or weeks.

yes. now its my school holidays. and it will only end on the ending of the first week of january next year.

perhaps, at the back of my mind, i thought, i can at least be a good boy, in a bid of redemption, at least till i get to go for the short get away to JB with the gang.

coz hey, at the end of the day, i dun tend to my own living expenses, and unless im ready to be thrown out of the house, i dont haf much of a choice really.

i thought it would be fine. easy and dandy.

hell no.

my mind went zombie.

and i think i managed to decompose a couple of braincells or dozens along the way too.

ironically, even though my brain cells decided to go awol most of the time, at those times when the frustration has built up to boiling point, the trains of thought zooming by began to go haywire and berzerk.

i began to think funny.

to the point that i was even questioning my own freaking existence, and bemoaning about the current rut and solitude that i have put myself in.

it doesnt help that i couldnt really talk to anyone in the family (sad aint it), and backdropped by the incessant nagging and coughing that rang in my ears. (my mom and sis were down with a bit of sickness). yes. screw me for even complaining like this.

even though the internet, laptop, television and DVDs are there to provide me with bits of entertainment, they are but futile attempts to fill in the gap, and the emptiness that has enlarged within.

i was mad. but i cudnt show it.

i was going crazy. but i had no outlet avenue.

even those bits of nicotine injection sessions cudnt help.

i ended up sleeping during the day, and awake during the nite. doing what? doing nothing. nothing productive at least, lain dari melayankan my pathetic mp3 collection in my laptop and tryna beat Manchester United using my depleted Newcastle United over and over again in Football Manager 2007. i havent succeeded still. but within the span of 3 hours, i managed to get england winning Euro 2008, using total football, no less, and having arsene wenger under my wings as assistant manager. haha

but it stil wasnt enuf for me.

somehow, i juz needed to get out of the house, and take in a bit of sunshine, or even soak in a bit of the hustle and bustle Singapore can offer.

and, thanks to the weather, my longing only remained so.

until today.

until when my mom asked me to send over food to my grandma's.

and the weather was just perfect.

:)

i pity any living thing that is held against their will.

be it those birds, or even those wild animals in the zoo.

even more so, for the unknown number of victims of modern slavery that is still existing in the world.

(think human trafficking, syndicated organs transplants etc etc)

perhaps, being animals, they are able to take it being confined. but never a human.

coz at this juncture, when being confined, their gift of human consciousness, may end up being their curse.