angst?

so its been awhile.

there are moments outside, when thoughts of the environment surrounding my being, and of particular observations, will make me pause, and sum up a form of conclusion or theory to what i have just witnessed.

or feel.

and then i would tell myself to blog about it.

or at least, to record it all down, so that it could be made as a form of muse, or reflections, or at least, to remind myself that i have a valid past, and that i can remember them.

but no.
i'd end up not doing so by the time i got my hands logged onto the net.
why?

i dont know why.
perhaps its my other being in me, which do not seem to recognise the point of it all.
this blog thing.

.
hm.

thing is.
i miss her.

and i miss myself.

self?
who's got a self nowadays.

we do not own ourselves.

unknowingly, we are slaves.

slaves to the system.
slaves to money.
slaves to school/work/ and whatever shitload ideas u might have.

wait. why this angst.
its all a struggle really.
and over time, the frustration builds into you.

hm.

ok2.
its ramadhan now.

and becoz i believe there is a God, and that there is Heaven and Hell, i am still alive.

if not, i would haf juz let myself fall off the bridge connecting NTU and NIE and let tt double decker go through me, while im mid-air.
(yes. tt would need some impeccable timing)
(i'll haf myself a knife juz in case im still breathing, k)

only my faith can guide me.

and no.
i wont be like my atheist tutor.

.
Enjoy the Ramadhan people, and when it comes to deeds and whatsnot, now is the time to get greedy.

and yes.
juz chill when the odds are all set against u.

.
ouh.
did i mention how much i miss her.

:(

.
but wait.
i should also mention this.

i love her.

:)

just before we watched 4bia yesterday.