100

she gave me an ultra-sweet surprise at marsiling mrt just now.

my.larling pic.taken.by.me.sometyme.back

was engrossed in the smart stupid people book, when suddenly, my nose, which is usually not that sensitive, thought that it had smelled Puspawangi's perfume scent.
i looked towards the sides, takde pun.
then, i actually decided that i was just imagining it. coz she once imagined having smelt my perfume at her night class when i was miles away.
i thought that i prolly i was missing her too god-damned much, thats why.
juz when i wanted to turn back to the book, there was a poke on my side ribs.
lo and behold, she was behind me all along.
no wonder.
hmm. sneaky eh. cheeky eh. entah sape aje yang ajar nie. :P
no. that wasnt the surprise.

now, this is the surprise.
she presented me with a card on the mrt.
tgk lah.! tgk lah.! (see lah.! see lah.!) heheh.

the front.
the wooden.sign
the heart with a purple thingy and a button.
in.side
the purple heart with buttons.

yeah. it was the 100th day of us being together. wee.! hmm. :)

"Baby. Today even tho its nt full moon, its big and brite yellow"
";-) biar la ia menjadi saksi cinta kita. Penyaksi cinta hari keseratus kita"
cair hamba dibuatnyer.

dangs. its juz 4 days khairi.
but still... :( oh well. though far from the eyes, you'll always be near to my heart. heheh.
((update. no. not near. youre already part of.))
(and this also applies to those who consider me as a friend)
really. really. really.~!

cant wait for her to be back.
hmm.

sidetracking a lil bit.
here are some pics. erm. of me? heheh.

neo.1
neo.2

pic courtesy by rush. shades courtesy by fuzz. hehehe

so yeah. hehehe.
and more good news. ill be mtg my bro afiq and sis aisyah this friday, insyallah. i miss them.
loads.
and yeah. singapore won. 2-0. heheh.
and mama was so excited. :) glad she had fun.
and according to her, lebanon didnt play well.
so, wasnt a surprise really.

hmm.
.
.
100. and many many more 100s to come.

i love you.
@>/--

splish.splash

was there for 111 just to watch the tall guy present for my own amusement.
204 tutorial did not seem to have any bearing on my outlook of life. stupid post-modernists.
stumbled upon the new HSS library.
tall guy and the yours truly were "woah-ed", especially by the sight of the high-tech toilet seat.
2 hr before test, found out that there would be a test. skimmed through the notes. on edventure.
accompanied azim have his meal. i had beef patty sandwich.
water all the way.
slept through 202 lecture.
dazed through 202 test.
zombied with them all the way to the new HSS library.
even borrowed "Why Smart People Can be So Stupid".
braved through the rain to get to Moulana Mosque for maghrib.
but not before being part of the congregation which was hoping not to get wet.
attempted to attain nirvana.
only left after isyak.
splish splash all the way to tanjong pagar.

guess it was worth it.
coz thats the only thing i was looking forward to all day.
juz to have her by my side.
:)

on a bynote: hmm. come to think of it, smart people can become so stupid. perhaps, u can take me as an example. anyone not in my shoes wouldnt understand why in the blue hell would i go through what i went through, juz to see her for that brief moment. well, guess i had my fix. and that alone should suffice. ;)

familia.companera.on.23rd.March

the weekend that is about to end in about 2hours and 20mins is mostly spent with my beloved family.
no. not mostly. all of it. :)

i didnt get to see my wifey at all.
not even after we had supposedly planned to meet up and look at each other's photos of our very glorious past, from nothing, to diapers, to school, and perhaps, somethings else.
was really looking forward to it, till the moment when i asked my mama if she had any plans then.
thank god my sayang understood.
and ive to say, i feel lucky to haf someone who never fails to reiterate the fact that family ALWAYS come first, no matter what.
i love you nur... :)

always depend on mama to prepare the presents for papa.
i only had to wrap it up.
yes. hopefully the next time, ill get something for him personally.
and ive a confession.
i didnt know that today was my papa's birthday.
yes. go ahead. pour scorn on me. :(
so, to make it up, i decided to make this weekend an all-family weekend.
sat nite, the eve of his birthday, we went to eat at Mad Jack at Jalan Kayu.
and i had Black Pepper Beef Rib Eye.
and papa really expected an eye to be there staring at me.
haha. kekek.
the feeling is nice, having the people that really matters, around me.
though it wasnt really said explicitly, i could see from their faces that my mama and papa were happy that all of their children were able to celebrate together.
to their daughters' delight, there was a stall juz outside selling hello kitty things, and stickers.
oh well.

today.
went to East Coast Beach with papa's mother.
and i slept half the time there under the sun.
sporadically waking up now and then to see whos around and whos not, and also to make sure our possesions were still in place. haha.
yeah. the jaga for the day.
only the daughters went to sample the salt water, and not me, for obvious aesthetic reasons. haha.
they decided to go Expo for a Halal food fair, and looking at how i was only in my freaking black army shorts and my YJC floorball shirt, and my body was already half basi, i decided to juz wait for them at the lorry.
and its not surprising, that i ended up sleeping like a baby.
heheh.

so, thats the gist of my weekend.
my weekend with the family.
Happy birthday Papa!~ :)

and yeah.
this Thursday my sayang is leaving for KL. for a relative's wedding.
sigh.
i wish that i cud tag along, looking at how her father had already asked me to.
but the exams are so damn near now, and also, id only be incurring the wrath of my parents if i were to tag along, and so, there wasn't any question about me going at all.
man.
im really gonna miss my sayang.
:(

ah.
i shud be optimistic.
like the well-known cliche always floating around when two ppl haf to be far away from each other and they need to seek solace in,

"absence makes the heart grow fonder..."

i love you.

@>/--

key.ink.key

its only inevitable that sooner or later, at some points of our ever mundane lives, we will face some sort of a rut in the head.
thats when God decides to play around with our moldable beings, and test us, to see how far we will go to overcome it.

and irritatingly, it comes in cycles, and more annoyingly still, it comes right after we haf achieved a certain high.
think orgasms.
the low after the high. (hmm. i see u squirming now.)

playdo-ish, if u like.
but really, the way we are are only defined by what we surround ourselves us with.
but, what if, the problem lies in your head.
no. not physical pain.
but rather, think emotional trauma and the like.
so what do u do?

nah. much as how the action in itself is appealing, we cant juz shoot ourselves in the head.
no pain no gain?
nah. ull only gain that one way ticket to hell.
on budget, no less.
(yes. i haf some religious beliefs stuck in me still. haha.)

so to overcome it, i suggest a remedy, that is free (i see eyes giving off that shiny glint), yet simple and portable enuf.
shut yrself off.
dont think too much.
go with the flow.
dun entertain the devil's advocates floating by yr halo.
instead, do things u wont normally do.
like, if ure bitchy by nature, or if u think u r, then tone down a bit. and try to look at things from an alternative perspective.
and vice versa, if ure quite an ignorant self-absorbed dumbass, go read. start with somethin simple. go pick up a copy of the newspaper.
kesimpulannya, do things u wont expect your " normal" selves to do.

you will notice the change would be refreshing enough.
and god-willing, ull get that drive and verve to continue living life again.

stop trying to be normal.
go LIVE.
oh yeah. while im at it, stop depending on others, or worse still, paying them (like some pimp here, or trashy mags that tells u on how to live life).
it numbs yr intellect and yr capacity to be autonomous.
if u noe what i mean, u can start by being critical of what u read or hear, including this entry. haha

:)

oh yeah.
im missing my Puspawangi. badly.
urgh.
ok. now imma go back to my shell.

3.mths

for sure, ive a lot inside that need to be let go.
but i juz cant find the words to do so.
there are so many things, so many issues.
i dunno where to start, for i am confused.

hmm.
perhaps, i should juz read more.

3 months eh?
hmm.
time sure travels fast.
but at the same time, i find it a bit wee slow.
hmm.
aah.
im totally revelling in this.
and i noe she is too.
:)

i love you Nur.
@>/--

significant.whole

the past has always made up a few bits and pieces of the present, and even the future.
those hearty chats, with Jas, and Nit, though originally light-hearted in nature, actually made me really giving it a serious ponder afterwards.

like...
"there are no true atheists..." &
"negatives can only produce a positive in the end..." ... are amongst other things which we summed up.

somehow, only now i realise the gravity of importance of why the past, or shall i say, history, is very much studied upon.

and only now, i realise, how "lucky" i am to end up with reading Sociology in university.

yes. i am enlightened. and only God knows on what other things that i'll be enlightened by in the coming semesters till i graduate.

though whatever that came up between Nit and me can be percepted as merely a summary, albeit a rough one, i cant help but to feel that somehow, in some minuscule way, i have everything figured out.

yeah. the biggest picture .that is made up of whole lotta mosaics.
but then again, no large painting is complete without the microscopic details, and the intricate colored, or uncolored strokes that make it up, and it would be of coz, foolish if i were to just be interested in having a hold of the big picture.

which brings me to another point.
some of us forget that we have dual roles to play on this Earth.
though temporary, other than just carrying out spiritual obligations, we also haf to bear in mind the duties that we have on this Earth. for example, the importance of being a loyal citizen of your country.

some people get so caught up in the life of the spiritual, that they forget to be earthly, and vice versa.

its all a matter of balance. the ying, and the yang, if u like.

...

the past.
i was reading thru her previous entries, just the ones that mention me since i entered into her life.
curiousity almost tempted me to read her other ancient entries.
then, as almost as those impulses came on, i decided against it.
yes. the past may help you to understand something better.
it may help teach u a lesson or two.
it may give the big picture of why something is so and so, and not like that and that.
but to do so, would be clouding my own judgments on whatever things that may happen in the future.
indeed, i am in the process of starting afresh, and i do not need any prior knowledge of her past, which may lead me to act in some manner that can be deemed as pre-emptive.
the present and future of someone, does not necessarily depend on what happened to that person in the past.
whats past, is past, as they always say.
and indeed, the future is in my hands, and God's, and not even the stars, or even that god-damned history book will snatch it away from me.

yes. choice.
no matter how much culture plays a part in our actions or words,
at the end of the day, we do have choices to indulge in.

and one thing i noe, though i cant tell the future, and which i am highly assured of, i will make sure that i'll give my all when it comes to her and me.

for, as the present, and god-willing hopefully also in the future, as far as i noe currently, my heart is and will always be hers.

unless of coz, God decides to teach me another lesson or two, but for which, as im telling myself, i will always try my best to overcome.

with each other, we have made a realistic, and necessary intention clear.
Vivo (1st March 2008, at the Rooftop) : "i want u to make me a better khalifah, and ill make u better muslimah... together, we'll make each other a better person in His Eyes... insyallah",
cause at the end of the day, the ultimate reason why two beings unite, complement and love each other is for Him, and not solely for the gratification of those two beings.

any-ol-hoots, as far as i noe rite now,

i love her.
.
.
@>/--

leap.years

"wifey..."

"alahai..."

saturday.
only our 2nd real date.
1) had dinner/lunch at The Chicken Rice Shop. ( i think)
2) searched/recced for a bag. for hers. and mine. and also a gift for Afiq. she got hers. i havent got mine. nor the gift. (im fussy, some of u should know)
3) watched The Leap Years at Vivocity. (pronounced as Bibocity)
4) enjoyed each other's company at the rooftop, before we ended the night.

:)
i.love.you.
always.

@>/--

burnt.rubber

ignition key in.
enough revving up the engine.
its time to push the pedal.
NOS it.

the others are halfway to the finishing line already.

speed.
finesse.
composure.

its do.
or die.

and theres no stopping.

burn baby... BURN!