he was limping, hinted with that extra bit determination.
his big toe was neatly bandaged.
"so bro, life is forcing u to see the things around u in slow-mo eh?"
"im used to it man... unlike the majority of people who get caught up with things... u noe what i mean..."
i smiled. so there are people around who are able to get out from their dour conventional consciousness, and managed to take a step back and soak in the world, as it is.
go on...
observe the birds... the trees... the leaves that adorn them...
or even the clouds, and the wind...
sooner or later, ull find that extra bit of conviction of how the Big guy upstairs has so much variation and diversity running around this place we call Earth.
His Creations, and His Designs... truly transcend limits.
:)
honey.filled
just for the fact that i could see she trying her best to console me and make me feel better, is enough to etch out a smile from my "comel" (she says!) face. heheh. :P
any ol hoos, im waiting to see where my current mood swinging session will bring me.
and yeah.
i love you.
with all my heart.
:)
any ol hoos, im waiting to see where my current mood swinging session will bring me.
and yeah.
i love you.
with all my heart.
:)
against.me
some time ago in the not-so-distant pasti miss her.
i miss the gang.
i am indeed feeling fucked up.
super sunday? urgh. stupid sunday seems more like it.
:(
i miss the gang.
i am indeed feeling fucked up.
super sunday? urgh. stupid sunday seems more like it.
:(
what.good.is.a.heart
I told you how I felt,
I told you what it meant,
But I still havent changed your mind,
I know that youre afraid,
Youre frightened of the pain,
But you can let down your guard...
Cause when we run, when we hide,
We deny whats inside...
(Chorus)
What good is a heart if youre not gonna use it,
What good is a love if youre too scared to choose it,
If youre heart is beating, then its for a reason, girl,
If youre not willing to start, what good is a heart?
Dont make the same mistake that people often make,
And miss out on a chance for love,
Youve got to make your move, youve got to make it soon,
Cause youre dying inside...
Yes, Im a man, but I cry,
I have fears, I wont lie...
(Chorus)
Come on, babe, you know it, girl,
Anyone who looks can see that Im right,
Theres a chance here, we could take it,
Or regret it for the rest of our lives...
(Chorus)
I told you what it meant,
But I still havent changed your mind,
I know that youre afraid,
Youre frightened of the pain,
But you can let down your guard...
Cause when we run, when we hide,
We deny whats inside...
(Chorus)
What good is a heart if youre not gonna use it,
What good is a love if youre too scared to choose it,
If youre heart is beating, then its for a reason, girl,
If youre not willing to start, what good is a heart?
Dont make the same mistake that people often make,
And miss out on a chance for love,
Youve got to make your move, youve got to make it soon,
Cause youre dying inside...
Yes, Im a man, but I cry,
I have fears, I wont lie...
(Chorus)
Come on, babe, you know it, girl,
Anyone who looks can see that Im right,
Theres a chance here, we could take it,
Or regret it for the rest of our lives...
(Chorus)
Those good ol' boyband days.
Aah.
Aah.
ungloved.one
imagine this scene.
a distinctly self-identifiable songkok-wearing Malay man (my father) supporting a drunk Tamil punk who apparently had his head hit on the pavement while presumably walking home from a drinking session. His friends, all Tamil, were shouting and saying nonsense, which clearly had nothing to do with the emergency situation facing them. one, even had the audacity to tell my mom off in Malay, that everything is okay.
because my father had already taken charge of the situation, i willingly stood back, sharply observing, for signs to show that he has his pulse on at least. and also the last time i was involved with a bleeding person, my hands were all covered in blood. without knowing if the bugger has anything in his blood. so, somehow this time round, im quite glad im not handling the victim.
thank god, the ambulance came promptly. by then, a crowd had gathered wanting to have a slice of the action.
without even me realising it, perhaps subconsciously fancyin myself as a shepherd dog, i barked to the whole group to back off and let the medics do their work.
yesterday's night incident told me that perhaps it would be wise to enact a law requiring all medic-trained individuals to carry around a pair of those medical gloves wherever they go so in case of any emergency, they can just slip on those gloves and starting on their Airway-Breath-Circulation drill without any reluctance or hesitation due to a fear of contracting any blood-borne diseases.
it could just save a life.
a distinctly self-identifiable songkok-wearing Malay man (my father) supporting a drunk Tamil punk who apparently had his head hit on the pavement while presumably walking home from a drinking session. His friends, all Tamil, were shouting and saying nonsense, which clearly had nothing to do with the emergency situation facing them. one, even had the audacity to tell my mom off in Malay, that everything is okay.
because my father had already taken charge of the situation, i willingly stood back, sharply observing, for signs to show that he has his pulse on at least. and also the last time i was involved with a bleeding person, my hands were all covered in blood. without knowing if the bugger has anything in his blood. so, somehow this time round, im quite glad im not handling the victim.
thank god, the ambulance came promptly. by then, a crowd had gathered wanting to have a slice of the action.
without even me realising it, perhaps subconsciously fancyin myself as a shepherd dog, i barked to the whole group to back off and let the medics do their work.
yesterday's night incident told me that perhaps it would be wise to enact a law requiring all medic-trained individuals to carry around a pair of those medical gloves wherever they go so in case of any emergency, they can just slip on those gloves and starting on their Airway-Breath-Circulation drill without any reluctance or hesitation due to a fear of contracting any blood-borne diseases.
it could just save a life.
blue/red.pill
my emotive behavior took a couple of swings lately.
swinging not up and down, but, down, and further down, and a couple of corkscrews maneuvers to add to that.
so do imagine.
i am already barely grasping the things that had happened.
understanding of one's self is hard work, i finally figured.
and i thought i am an open book, like how someone would always used to say.
problem is, now the book is closed, and has decided to remain shut.
locked and sealed in the dungeon vault.
for even i cant read it even if i wanted to.
no mortal can save me now.
perhaps this is one of those times that the Big Guy upstairs has decided to really wake me up from the slumbers and enjoyment this world has to offer.
do i want to keep on downing those blue pills,
or would i finally want to know what the red pill can offer?
whichever the answer, as simplistic as this might sound, to sum it all up, im tired.
:(
swinging not up and down, but, down, and further down, and a couple of corkscrews maneuvers to add to that.
so do imagine.
i am already barely grasping the things that had happened.
understanding of one's self is hard work, i finally figured.
and i thought i am an open book, like how someone would always used to say.
problem is, now the book is closed, and has decided to remain shut.
locked and sealed in the dungeon vault.
for even i cant read it even if i wanted to.
no mortal can save me now.
perhaps this is one of those times that the Big Guy upstairs has decided to really wake me up from the slumbers and enjoyment this world has to offer.
do i want to keep on downing those blue pills,
or would i finally want to know what the red pill can offer?
whichever the answer, as simplistic as this might sound, to sum it all up, im tired.
:(
the.test
while my thoughts were wandering aimlessly into oblivion,
at the corner of my eye, i saw a figure walking in my direction.
initially, i could only make out her silhouette.
i couldn't see her eyes.
yet, i feel them transfixed on me.
step by step, slowly, she moved. in rhythm with the gentle breeze that passed by.
a scant non-worded whisper told me to be ready.
somehow, i knew that the figure was walking at me. towards me.
even though her path was along my path which im on.
even though she could just be heading towards the bustop.
its an old lady. a tudung-clad one.
she spoke to me. i listened to her woes a few hours earlier.
her face was tinted with a smile all the while.
she wanted money. i couldn't find it inside in a perhaps already too-cold, too apathetic consciousness to give. the bus came. i took my leave, leaving her as she was, just like that.
perhaps, i found her story suspicious. perhaps, thats why my heart was never opened to give in the first place.
but she could be telling me the truth. aah, but it does not matter now, does it?
the point of contention is, i was tested.
could that have been a creation of God just for that particular moment to test my character. but He should already know. why would He wanna test me still?
urgh.
Khairi... Khairi...
u failed the test.
:(
at the corner of my eye, i saw a figure walking in my direction.
initially, i could only make out her silhouette.
i couldn't see her eyes.
yet, i feel them transfixed on me.
step by step, slowly, she moved. in rhythm with the gentle breeze that passed by.
a scant non-worded whisper told me to be ready.
somehow, i knew that the figure was walking at me. towards me.
even though her path was along my path which im on.
even though she could just be heading towards the bustop.
its an old lady. a tudung-clad one.
she spoke to me. i listened to her woes a few hours earlier.
her face was tinted with a smile all the while.
she wanted money. i couldn't find it inside in a perhaps already too-cold, too apathetic consciousness to give. the bus came. i took my leave, leaving her as she was, just like that.
perhaps, i found her story suspicious. perhaps, thats why my heart was never opened to give in the first place.
but she could be telling me the truth. aah, but it does not matter now, does it?
the point of contention is, i was tested.
could that have been a creation of God just for that particular moment to test my character. but He should already know. why would He wanna test me still?
urgh.
Khairi... Khairi...
u failed the test.
:(
real.love.2?
"the truth is out there."
there is not one fixed truth to a particular thing or abstract idea.
or, even perhaps, feelings.
its not a given feature in our existence, and thus, it is moldable. yes. play-doh-ish.
things can only be as real as to how far youre willing to make it to be. and that certainly includes love.
unlike the facts of the physical sciences, or even maths, the rest of "unseen knowledge" as we know it, depends so much only by what we experience ourselves.
by what we touch, taste, hear, smell, and see/read, and any prior life experience.
bitter, or sweet.
your sceptism or cynicsm today may only be a reflection of a past unenjoyable experience. ;)
which may not necessarily happen to anyone else.
thus, there is not one similar experience or reality encountered by any two of us.
fact of the matter is, your belief that does not necessarily reflect on others. really.
your belief only applies to you. only you.
i have my own beliefs about things.
they may not be the any one of the truths others may claim to be possessing,
but i clearly stand by them wholeheartedly and dearly.
to the third party, what i may be undergoing may seem delusional. or even, a waste of time.
but what matters is that i myself think that the course of action im taking is right. and i have no other intent other than to make myself happy, and be a better person in His Eyes.
love for me right now, is between me and the Big Guy Upstairs, my family and friends, and her, My Puspawangi.
again, i may not see the future of where anything can lead to, heck, i dont think anyone can, unless they have links with God or sumthing, but im certainly not begging for anyone's blessings.
the blessing of a mortal. how useful can that be?
just a form of support and assurance?
even if that is possessed, does that mean, nothing wont go wrong? hell no of coz.
internet age or not, Love, as a the purest form of feeling that a human can ever produce towards another, is still retaining its simplicity and innocence.
there may not be many examples running around. but look closer, it is still all around. even inside you, if u decide to embrace it.
Love. its as real as how you can make it out to be.
;)
there is not one fixed truth to a particular thing or abstract idea.
or, even perhaps, feelings.
its not a given feature in our existence, and thus, it is moldable. yes. play-doh-ish.
things can only be as real as to how far youre willing to make it to be. and that certainly includes love.
unlike the facts of the physical sciences, or even maths, the rest of "unseen knowledge" as we know it, depends so much only by what we experience ourselves.
by what we touch, taste, hear, smell, and see/read, and any prior life experience.
bitter, or sweet.
your sceptism or cynicsm today may only be a reflection of a past unenjoyable experience. ;)
which may not necessarily happen to anyone else.
thus, there is not one similar experience or reality encountered by any two of us.
fact of the matter is, your belief that does not necessarily reflect on others. really.
your belief only applies to you. only you.
i have my own beliefs about things.
they may not be the any one of the truths others may claim to be possessing,
but i clearly stand by them wholeheartedly and dearly.
to the third party, what i may be undergoing may seem delusional. or even, a waste of time.
but what matters is that i myself think that the course of action im taking is right. and i have no other intent other than to make myself happy, and be a better person in His Eyes.
love for me right now, is between me and the Big Guy Upstairs, my family and friends, and her, My Puspawangi.
again, i may not see the future of where anything can lead to, heck, i dont think anyone can, unless they have links with God or sumthing, but im certainly not begging for anyone's blessings.
the blessing of a mortal. how useful can that be?
just a form of support and assurance?
even if that is possessed, does that mean, nothing wont go wrong? hell no of coz.
internet age or not, Love, as a the purest form of feeling that a human can ever produce towards another, is still retaining its simplicity and innocence.
there may not be many examples running around. but look closer, it is still all around. even inside you, if u decide to embrace it.
Love. its as real as how you can make it out to be.
;)
irony.
while we look,
they ponder.
when we took,
they wonder.
irony of the idle mind.
sometimes it does nothing but kill.
sometimes it brings more than magic.
:)
another.dark.day.for.newcastle.united.football.club
maybe we should just wear just black.
when will we see the light.
the relegation battle looms ahead?
haiz
RIP.
:(
they ponder.
when we took,
they wonder.
irony of the idle mind.
sometimes it does nothing but kill.
sometimes it brings more than magic.
:)
another.dark.day.for.newcastle.united.football.club
maybe we should just wear just black.
when will we see the light.
the relegation battle looms ahead?
haiz
RIP.
:(
malam.bulan.dipagar.bintang
Malam bulan dipagar bintang
Makin indah jika dipandang
Bagai gadis beri senyuman
Pada bujang idaman
.
Belai kasih ingin dimanja
Dengan cumbuan mesra
Untuk pelipur lara
Penawar dik asmara
.
Malam bulan dipagar bintang
Tambah seri cuaca malam
Murni sungguh ciptaan Tuhan
Bulan bintang lampu alam
.
Andai kata bintang menyepi
Bulan tidak berseri
Malam menjadi sunyi
Tidak berseri lagi
Makin indah jika dipandang
Bagai gadis beri senyuman
Pada bujang idaman
.
Belai kasih ingin dimanja
Dengan cumbuan mesra
Untuk pelipur lara
Penawar dik asmara
.
Malam bulan dipagar bintang
Tambah seri cuaca malam
Murni sungguh ciptaan Tuhan
Bulan bintang lampu alam
.
Andai kata bintang menyepi
Bulan tidak berseri
Malam menjadi sunyi
Tidak berseri lagi
i.want.just.you
sitting.standing . bugis village . banquet . sultan.mosque . amirah's.grill . suntec . sitting.standing .
its not a wonder or a coincidence that we came up with the term "self", and the fact that we are selfish creatures.
its not wrong to be concerned with our own plight and only ours.
our own happiness.
the intrusion of others were really not called for, especially when both were in need / (want?) of each other.
only.
its amazing/ironic how sometimes, we ignore our own whispered desires, juz so to give in to a better/larger good, but ended up to realise that the larger/better good aint necessary.
or we find that its not worth the trouble.
not worth the trouble to go thru so much trouble, as when the stakes are just minimal.
at all.
shitty aint it.
altruisim is indeed over-rated.
not when yr own basic needs (not wants!) are on the line.
if i could have it my way,
i would have sneaked us away,
and leave everyone clueless.
memang tak penting pun.
heheh. now, would that be evil?
:P
its not a wonder or a coincidence that we came up with the term "self", and the fact that we are selfish creatures.
its not wrong to be concerned with our own plight and only ours.
our own happiness.
the intrusion of others were really not called for, especially when both were in need / (want?) of each other.
only.
its amazing/ironic how sometimes, we ignore our own whispered desires, juz so to give in to a better/larger good, but ended up to realise that the larger/better good aint necessary.
or we find that its not worth the trouble.
not worth the trouble to go thru so much trouble, as when the stakes are just minimal.
at all.
shitty aint it.
altruisim is indeed over-rated.
not when yr own basic needs (not wants!) are on the line.
if i could have it my way,
i would have sneaked us away,
and leave everyone clueless.
memang tak penting pun.
heheh. now, would that be evil?
:P
ill keep on reassuring you.
so long as you trust me.
:)
so long as you trust me.
:)
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