honey/peppered chicken wing & laksa goreng

brief summary.

painted my room.
booth at Masjid Kassim.

exhaustion. anxiety.

but its all worth it. :)

brightly.burnt

i discovered another way to achieve nirvana.

a lighted sampoerna in hand.
and the soothing beats of
Because Of You by Ne-yo.

smooth, crafted and synchronised to perfection.
transient, yet, it was good while it lasted.

exquisite smoke-rings, filling up the still cold air.
killing the floating micro-organisms who simply had no idea.

slowly, killing even the fittest of us.
slow enough, tt we dont even notice.

aah. we are all gonna be dead anyways.
global warming.
polluted skies.
toxic rivers.
whats the root cause of it all?

the culture of consumerism.

so dont blame us, the smoke-ring makers.
*evil grin*

...

all that during sahur of coz.
heheh.
so much for my detox mission during this great month.
oh well.

...

man. i cant wait for school to reopen.

the mid-term break are almost over, yet my notes are almost untouched.

am i panicking?
no.
im just worried.

...

enjoy yr friday ppl...
and may Allah bless u'all!~ ;)

@>/--

profoundly,cheem

280907-0110

cheemology.

a word coined by someone. barely an acquaintance. but not a phantom figure somehow existing in our cerebral consciousness either.
at least we both know tt each other is alive and breathing, and contributing to the emission of CO2 in the atmosphere.

somehow, you just haf to be profound in yr words, and perhaps, yr deeds too, juz to be noticed.

she wouldnt have noticed me.

if not for my blogs.

i was told, at least she can put a face to my name, or whenever she receives an SN, or a mere SMS from me.

some others in her phonebook, isnt so lucky.

in a way, im fortunate. coz, perhaps, God has given me the ability to be articulate enough for people to appreciate what im talking about.

or perhaps, if i choose to look at it in another way, what i say sometimes, dont make too much rationale, according to the human perceptions of common sense. it may not register properly, thus, it may be construed as cheem, or out-of-this-world.

so it can swing either way. eccentricity, or juz pure bullshitting crazy, whichever way the readers themselves think of what theyre reading.

what u may not understand, u see it as either crap, and brush it away, or something tt is too complex to comprehend, thus, "better". and then, u tend to attempt to appreciate it.

honestly speaking, i dont make an effort to sound cheem to make ppl notice me.

if possible, i wouldnt want to sound profound.

coz nowadays, i believe in the goodness of simplicity.

but, sometimes, simplicity doesnt explain everything.

it merely rubs off the intricacies and the grey matter that lies between the side of things. juz so it can be better fathomable by the public.

so much so, the truth of things, get distorted, and versions of the same subject appears.

so which is better?

hmm. i guess for now, im contented to blog with my subconscious level on.

ill write it, as the way it is.

;)

not.coming.to.an.end

"...

im sure all of us have had hopes and dreams, especially when we were children and "know" nothing better, either as in roles of what we would love to occupy or possesing that dream material subject, like a ferrari or tt yacht for eg.

some of us lost track. not juz lost track. but totally veered ourselves of course, so much so we thought that we might never see the road that we wanna walk on again.

well.

what some of us dun realise is that, indeed, we shall reap what we sow.

personally, like how someone would describe me, as a

" guy .. definitely brimming of
optimism
All those optimism glands just swollen
with optimistic hormones
All the optimistic hormones trying to get
out of every optimistic pore of his
optimistic skin
Threatening to override the world with
optimism" (haha),

id naturally believe that for when there is life in the body, there is still hope.

it totally depends on our own initiative and willingness our own prerogative in the execution of the wants of our hearts and souls.

if u think that, u have already veered, or terbabas habis, from yr initial wonderful and flowery dreams and ambitions that u might had, i would suggest u stop, and start back tryna achieve them.

much better than juz living thru yr lives knowing what would have been right?

at least, u would tell yrself, u are putting in the effort, instead of juz waiting to die.

hmm.

prior to this post, if u read, u would noe what im gonna say next.

juz make sure along the way, while ure at it, ure also thinking how yr cause can benefit His cause.

if ure already mentally remapping yr life course, then, id say félicitations to u.

to others, open up yr minds, and try to see things in a different angle.

it might actually be better.

...

and yes.
be optimistic ppl!~
the world aint coming to an end, yet.

..." - my.AM.blog

blu.jazz

yesterday was a long day. somehow i felt tired. altho sis told me i shudnt be. coz half of the time, i was chilling. which was true, but i felt dazed anyways.

saw something, which crushed me. oh well. it wasnt supposed to be there anyways.

morning, had to drag myself from bed, to send my mima to school. urgh. i was feeling all pissed then.
coz the rain was so inviting to sleep thru.
went for the subcom meeting, to get the menu finalised for our stall at Masjid Kassim.
at TCC, of all places. coz library's packed.
had to buy a cup of coffee, juz so we could haf our meeting there. cos the stupid waitress was adamant tt the seats and tables are for guests. even tho the place wasnt even half-full.
and of coz, coz all of us are fasting, that coffee is untouched.
and becoz of my seating position, i wouldnt be surprised if half of my face is tanned and the other is not.
finished early, and chilled at sultan mosque while waiting for the rest.
broke my fast with a piece of date, and water.
had the main course at zam zam. mutton murtabak, and teh.
filling.
went over to banquet, coz the big guy said he was still hungry.

i had myself popiah basah.
and suddenly, flashback after flashback came sieging my mind.

perhaps, my head was in an emotional turmoil.
and for a while, i let myself be drowned.
after having enuf, i joined back my buddies, to the real world.

"we are basically lepaking at banquet. let's go somewhere else" haha. like duh.

made our way to blu jazz bar, behind arab st.
pls dun haf any wrong ideas.
while the white indian had guiness draft, the muslims had non-alcholic drinks. and my caffe latte came in this hirameki mug.
and chilled did we.
the livemusic wasnt bad, according to yusuf. i couldnt tell, coz my ears are too accustomed to the more mat RnBs. haha.
somehow, chuck norris came up, and for the first time after a very long while i laughed so bad i had tears in my eyes. we all did.

and yes. tt was the first time we chilled as a group outside school. :)


Rushdy & Nity

Khairi & Yusuf

That Hirameki mug

view from outside

crushed

hmm. just when i thought that there will be some form of distraction, or perhaps, something for me to look forward to, it crumbles.

just like that.

my worst fear has been realised.

haiz.

dah lah khairi. lupakan aje.

what are the chances of anything happening anyways?

stop hoping.

you'll reap something good definitely.

like what you always tell yourself,"it is just a crush."

keep it that way then.

at least, you're being a gentleman, and not being a desperate hound-dog some people can be. haha

*oh stop making yourself feel good!*

:)

21

im 21. apparently the age where ure supposed to get yr keys or sumthin. hmm. mcm same jek. nothing much differs, except, my age.

hmm. lemme recollect.

had a lil entertaining chat with zawiah to school. took my mind off the nervousness that was barraging my mental consciousness. :)
had to present and lead a tutorial group discussion about the New Slavery and Child Labour. by myself.
i think i screwed up the presentation part big time.
to think, that at this age, i still find it hard or the idea repulsive to speak to a public audience. (if you can call a tutorial group of less that 20, public) haha
after tt, in the middle of an MS meeting, kena bedal by Nity and Fuzz.
had to leave halfway, so i can meet sis aisyah, kak ima, and dja at jurong east.
brought them to my place.
my ma whipped up a fusion dish of Italian-Malay-Western concept. spaghetti doused with rendang meatballs. and black and pepper chicken, and whipped potato.
alhamdullilah, my mom clicked well with them. but my real sisters were a bit shy tho.
oh yes. suhaimi came too. and later afiq, then hafiz.
had fun with their company. thats for sure.
and i was happy.
well. thats my birthday.
.
now im in front of lt1a.
i haf to rush off now.
to recce the SRC for the MS Challenge tt im involved in.
.
perhaps ill do a reflection kinda entry later.
somehow my mind feelin kinda lethargic.
and ive to go for a freakin tutorial at 430. urgh.

tix.to.heaven

everything will come to a point where ull have to pause and reflect.

"now what?"

problem with humans, or rather, most of us is that, we will never haf enuf of anything.

we would always want more and more.

now listen.

u think all the moolah u working yr arse off to acquire for that retirement dream will matter in the end?

or, what about the endless pursuit of education ure putting yr tired brains through?

and then what?

rot and die, and pretend nothing really ever happened after tt?

haha. nah. wishful thinkin my dear. we are not in the world of plays where the beginning and the end is absolute, and nothing, ever really happened, once u reached the end.

..
..
..

lemme enlighten u all.

how about working to get enuf credits to have a comfortable flight and permanent stay at that one place where it really matters in the end?

a place, where u can drink the best wine all day, and still wont haf a hangover.

and where the most beautiful hunks and damsels are at yr beck and call?

and where ure certainly young forever, sumthin useful enuf, to revv up tt sex drive. haha

too good to be true rite... but its there. juz waiting to welcome its blessed occupants.

where u might ask?

Heaven.

of coz, no one can guarantee ourselves that we will be going there. and yes. only one way to find out, is by subjugating ourselves for His cause. and we will never know if the credits we think we are working for is even enuf.

for those yang confident enuf, well. all the best to u.

for the rest of us, including myself, let us be reminded that, it may never be enuf.

but tt shudnt stop us from trying rite?

im sure the damnation rituals and the flying hellfire and brimstones and wats not are scary enuf, if we are able to witness them first hand.

but u wouldnt wanna take tt chance would u.

why take a freaking risk, when u noe, its still in yr hands anyways?
.
haf a gd week ahead ppl!~

and may Allah bless u'all.

:)

kitty.teddy.infusion

ive made another gem of a friend.

we both come from different worlds.

priorities differ greatly.

attitude in life as contrasting between a black and white tv and a HD one.

and at first glance, u wouldnt know that we are friends.

me with my decent-ness and dorkiness, spelling out big-time emo geek in capital letters.

she with her come-nearer, and ill-bite-you look, or at least beat-the-hell-out-of-you stance.

yes. like always, friendships with khairi usually wasnt always on a bright start.

she told me she hated me to da max during the very first indicator to her that i exist. haha

and it happened on an impromptu keystyling session.

at first, i was finding it hard to overcome those typical sterotypes one usually have, to be honest.

my first doubt was, could it be even possible, for each of us to take in each other differences.

and then i realise, i shud be getting to befriend her, not for her image, but for the person inside.

then it was all good.

beneath all that, if ure to look closely, is an angel residing within.

one with that mysterious smile, yet sweet and shy.

i saw her again yesterday evening.

only after i tried to convince her that im really fine, but she wouldnt believe, citing my sombre voice on the phone, she thought theres something really wrong with me.

and she taking the trouble to go all the way up to meet me, really really touched me to the core, and tt left me wondering, whether i can ever be a gd friend to her or to anybody.

thank you for yesterday murni.

"No matter how different we may be, we still bust a laugh together, aite"

uh huh. im totally with u.

:)

impoverished

Between whats "real" and whats real, which would u rather choose and act upon?

It is on this premises that i lay my argument.

The human mind is such that, when something is too big and complex to be comprehended, it will tend to focus more in the aim of being simplified, or rather, in the easy form of judgment.

Im sure all of those who reads this, would have a rough idea on what makes up poverty.

But is it all just about dollars and cents? Only about having a roof over the head? About having food and water so we can always live another day?

No.

Rather, its about having opportunities to live as happily as others, knowing that you are not being shortchanged.

Its about finding a purpose in life, so as to convince yourself that there is more to life rather than just waiting to fall sick and die. (Think about the images you always see on television of sick kids with bloated stomachs.)

A day passes onto another, without us having a thought that things are going to be different from today.

That things are going to get better.

And to think that we are not given a choice at that too.

There is no chance at all even, of exploring the unknown, or even do things that we have never taught possible.

Unfortunately for some of us, we don't have much a of choice; some are born into such circumstances.

And to live on day by day, knowing that things arent gonna make any difference, and wrought by the feeling of being victimised, and to add on to that, feeling ultimately helpless about it, now, thats poverty.

its.september

the week was fast. one moment, i was just gathering my notes and organising it properly, the next, im wondering to myself, "if theres only more time for me to get better grasp at things."

im still in control. but just barely. couple it with the fact tt the frens ive made, none of them are in the same tutorial groups as me. well, ive no choice but to remain switchin my social mode on, at least, till the time i think imma haf close grps from my different modules.

there were a few highlights for me this week.

first, sis aisyah treated me to dinner at IMM. fish and co. the cheesy New York fish and chips were nice. a much better experience than the last time i went to to Fish and Co at suntec, which was like four years ago. thank u sis. :)

kak ima's birthday celebration on wed. everyone was there. inclusing piee. had dinner at rex mckenzie. and the cake was dope. i actually enjoyed the chocolate. before that, ran an errand to get the cake from jurong entertainment centre. from a nifty shop called The Royals. after the totally filling dinner, specialty was chicken rice, we went to chill at SMU, where kak Imah cut her cake. :)

the next evening, had a an unexpected movie date with a dear fren, Anissa, one who once mentioned our friendship as "so near, yet so far."

asked me out to watch the movie Ratatouille the night before. and perhaps, a preview of my silliness for the day to come. i told her my class ending at 1430, whereas it was actually 1730. urgh. then had to wait for abt 30mins, jus to board a bus to boonlay, coz there so so many ppl urgh. should haf just taken a walk to northspine instead.

nevertheless, made it juz in time. :)
the movie was nice enuf tho. a high mix of slapstick, and wordy humour, tt totally left me happy. unfortunately, she didnt enjoy it as much as i did. hopefully, my company did make an effort to compensate tt letdown for her.

anissa, thank you for the treat, and those hershey mallow blast. my sisters loved it! :)
oh yes. happy birthday. 1st september. today rite. ;) haf fun posing in yr convocation gown later today.

friday . tot i was planless for the night. an early morning sms from shad. inviting me to NTUMS' freshmen welcoming and appreciation ceremony. i foresee myself getting involve with their activities. and yes. i was impressed. but tho, not so for the minority of muslimahs, who were quite, out of depth from themselves, to say the least. but the majority of them were very friendly and open, and i got to exchange a couple of numbers from a couple of my muslim brothers.the whole thing ended at abt 915. and i had to take my leave at abt 2245, only after a sumptuous makan session. thank u shad for inviting me. :)

later, may be mtg the geng. not sure of the plan tho.

whoever who reads this, may Allah bless ya.

:)